After some oddly gained inspiration, from reading someone's blog, I decided to kick-start my blogging again. I'll have you know that I have perfectly good reasons for not blogging in the past week.

Random things you should know/already know:
My computer/hard disk crashed and because I'm such a non-conscientious idiot, I never back up my stuff and so I lost three good years worth of documents, chat logs, songs, photographs and what-have-you. Yes, it's pretty painful. No, I wouldn't like to repeat that experience please and thank you. I was pretty upset (total understatement) with my sister because it crashed right after she played this game (GrandChase SEA) and I told her to log off but she shut it down instead. It just couldn't work after that. I very conveniently put the blame on her and spent the next 2 hours crying while she slept the night away.

Before that, I'd already had a terrible week because the one and only thing I really wish wouldn't go wrong in my life went wrong. No, I'm not going to get any more specific than that, thank you for asking. It practically made me want to rip myself to shreds just to stop the pain. If I didn't think that marring my skin for temporal satisfaction was so reckless and stupid, I'm pretty sure I would have done it in the course of the last one and a half weeks.

While I spent the week mourning the death of my hard disk, which my sister so wonderfully tried to "save" and unknowingly (what an absolute idiot) reformatted, Thursday came and went. Naturally, I was wonderfully disappointed with my lack of ability to convince, lead and inspire and so I spent the next 2 hours hitting a squash ball till I felt marginally better. Then I went home, and cried unceremoniously, because it stung.

So, that's how the majority of my week went, but I really appreciated some of my friends for trying even if they really don't/can't make the pain/frustration/anger/melacholy/sting stop. [digress] It's pretty funny how I spent the last, albeit unfocused, hour trying to figure out what the next step for this Math question was and all it took was five focused seconds for me to get it. [/end digress] I suppose it just means that I should focus a larger percentage of my energies elsewhere. It frustrates me, how I have to go through all of this nonsense to get me here. I really didn't have to be ripped up internally to understand you know? You could've just sent me a note from Up Above.

Friday wasn't so bad though. I liked the bits from the afternoon onwards. Thanks for trying, or for just being there, really.

Tag Replies:
Shanti: A few unglam photos or two on a blog which is only read by approximately 5 people can't really hurt very much right? :D
Wenyi: Lol. Thanks for the really... nice... tag. Hahahaha.
JoleneLimBiying: Don't worry, I will never quote you, because I'm a NICE PERSON! And I don't think my URL is hard to type! WHO THINKS MY URL IS HARD TO TYPE?
Shanti: Your life is not a black abyss. Black is too dark, my life as of now should be darker than yours, so you cannot have the superlative. Nyeh.

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NB: This post has/will have no photos. If you were looking for pictures, you're not getting them.

Fact of the day: Teachers should be glad that students like me exist. Without students like yours truly, they'd be out of jobs.

I actually need to be taught to understand how to do certain topics, like Superposition for instance. If you provide me with "Worked Examples" and expect me to do the Tutorial from there, that's fine. I can learn. If, however, you expect me to be able to do the Worked Examples without any prior teaching, I'm sorry but this underachiever here can't do it. (: I can try, and God knows I try, but I really do get frustrated when I just.can't.do.it. I'm frustrated so often now that I truly believe I'll be the first 17 year old to get a stroke. And I don't even suffer from any form of coronary heart disease.

Oh, I like sunflowers by the way.

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Sometimes, I don't know if I should be feeling sad or frustrated. Like I said, "frustrated" is what I feel most of the time now. If one could generate electricity with their frustration, my family wouldn't need to pay the bills anymore.

It's melancholic. It's painful. It's bitter. It's a twinge of feelings that I just can't describe. No, I suppose I don't have a very wide vocabulary. Imagine if you looked at the stars, one of the most fascinating, beautiful creations of God and one of the only things you can think about is the past, when you're grasping at the memories, hoping that if you pull at the constants long enough, they'll come back to you and weld themselves into the future. Imagine waking up early in the morning, sniffing the crisp, wet morning air and the single memory you draw up leaves you with a bitter taste, as if you just chewed on a piece of gall and swirled the remains around your mouth. On the one hand, you want to need to long for the memory to surface, play itself over and over again in front of your eyes, play it so much that it seems almost real. On the other hand, you want to stuff it into the deepest recesses of your brain, never to be seen again. That's regret for you, distilled over time.

I drink a cup of it every morning and then again every night.

To quote Eliot, "Our peace in His will".

If it's to break, it will break. There's nothing I can do about it.

Tag Replies:
Jolene: Eh... stop tagging as Guess Who? leh. Unless you want that to be your middle name. Jolene "Guess who" Lim.
Cherie: Well you could, then put him in different environments and try that little nature/nurture experiment! Oh and don't forget that you'll have to summon him out of the ashes since he's actually a fictional character. (:

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Dramafest '08 last night! :D However, because my life is so terribly, awfully interesting, I will blog about the rest of my day first.

Lets start right at the beginning, with Physics practical. I shall show you a wonderful picture of my circuit, which had 6 capacitors attached.

There's the circuit.

Stayed with Jolene and Cherie at LT5 (I'm never going to call it the Ngee Ann Kongsi Arts Performing Theatre because that's just a really ugly name) and were joined by Avril and Shanti afterwards since Avril and Jolene needed to finish their Math VA.


A & J.


Close-up of Avril who was wondering if I was actually taking one of her.


This is Shanti, who looks like she's concentrating on achieving something with solely her brain power. It's dark because we didn't switch on the lights.


This is Jolene testing my camera to see how clear the shots were. She took this from outside LT5.

We spent quite a bit of time outside LT5. I took random photos with the handy camera that I brought for Dramafest. Good thing too, since Chuyun was (is?) sick and she couldn't come but wanted to see me in my costume, which I look so awful in (because the shoulder-area's too loose and the sleeves too long).


This is Cherie, who looks like she's about to do something to me.

Taken by Jolene. Cherie and Shanti. CChong looks short eh?


Random photo.


Avril, whose face fills up the screen because I didn't zoom out and she was just standing there. XD

Went to Bytz after that, since Jolene needed to type something for her Math VA. Met Amanda and her friend Jingxi there, who happened to be doing their Math VA too. Went from "camp" to "camp" chatting with the two groups because I had nothing to do.

Amanda and I left for Squash at 3 30, while Cherie and Jolene went to Coronation for something or other.

In the end, I didn't train with the rest of them as I had to leave for Drama at 4+, and I didn't want to be all sweaty and disgusting. Decided instead to sit, watch and take a few photos. You see, I like taking photos of OTHERS. I just don't like having too many of myself. (:


From left to right: Joyce, Amanda, Zhijing. The only people who turned up for training.


Another of the three of them, this time in a different order.


Joyce, probably right after she hit the ball. Go calculate the change in momentum!


Amanda, right before she hit the ball.

Chris came late, and the rest of the boys were down running at the track, so talked to him for awhile. Then talked to Joyce, after the boys came back and they needed the other court (which she was using at that time) to train. Talked to Zhijing when both Joyce and Amanda were hitting balls, turns out we both don't like loud noises and crowds. Then talked to Zhijing and Joyce. This is simply to prove that I DO interact by CHOICE! ;D

Okay, so enough of that, I left at 4 55 for LT1 for a... meeting before Dramafest. We all hung around till 6 30 (yes, a very good waste of time). Gimlim created and destroyed many green dinosaurs during that period of time. Sara REALLY didn't like that (her PlayDoh). XD Got a sunflower (which I'll have to pay for anyway, since it's supposed to be a gift from the ExCo) and some PlayDoh (neon orange) from Dio as the traditional pre-Dramafest gift. (x Lets skip a little to the preparation for Dramafest.


Meet Kristy.


Aaaand... here are the both of us. A little blur, but I like it. I actually look okay.

Hmm... On a totally different note, since I'm waiting for the photos to be uploaded, I really like blogging with photos now. It's easier since it generates my thought, and one doesn't usually take personal photographs of negative scenes, so my posts turn out joyful, or at the very least, semi-joyful. (: I mean, despite my usual demeanour, I actually LIKE being happy. I actually like the feeling of endorphins coursing through my veins, when I don't have to think about my lack of a love life, my current lack of fulfillment in terms of half my academic work etc. Alright! Photos are done! :D


Here's one of Kristy and I again. Taken by Diana. Why this is blur, I don't know. I look a little... scary in this one.


This is Kristy with layer 1 of her fat-suit on! Compare with the above!
 

Messy classroom!  Perfect haven for thieves.


Kristy with the  2nd layer of her fat-suit on! I'm sure you can scroll up yourself to compare. It's not that far up. I'm lazy to link it.


Me taking a photo of Avril taking a photo. :D She has one of me too! It's on facebook. I may post it here sometime.


Honorary last photo. One of Kristy eating marshmallows. THIS is how she became so fat! Lesson learnt: Never eat marshmallows!

As a whole, Dramfest this year was a much better experience than last year. From a personal perspective, I'm in a red dress with 3-inch heels this year, rather than pretending to be a little kid with one of Whitby's old shirts on backwards and a terrible ankle-length skirt with motifs that kept falling apart. Thanks to Whitby's idea of having me in heels, I've also gained very much insight on the "How Tos" of strutting around in them. I really liked the effect I had on the audience, how my putting down of Kristy (despite that, in itself, being a horrible thing) silenced the audience at the end of the second/third scene. Being able to play this role so realistically gave me a wonderful sense of achievement. Hey, if I can do nothing else, at least I can act. (:

From the perspective of the group, I think it was also a success, although there were certain hiccups. I bet the audience didn't notice most/any of the mistakes anyway. As a cast, I think we've managed to bond more than the previous cast did. That had to be because of our size (7 people instead of 13) I'd think and the fact that this cast is a less rowdy one. It's also a success because although we managed a Silver in SYF (all thanks to the dissonant GREEN judge - his comments were on a green sheet), I think we all knew that we deserved more than that. Adrianni also mentioned that everyone else was wondering why we didn't get a gold. :D

I shall now go take a shower. This entry has taken me approximately 1 hour and 45 minutes, what with the uploading of photographs on Blogger and all. Hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it. Cliche, cliche, I know... (:

Tag replies:
Cherie: I should reserve Edward for myself! You have more than I do already! HAHAHAH.
Guess who?: Jolene EllBeeWhy.

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I dislike self-seeking moments like the ones I've been having recently. It's quite a terror to re-define yourself, reset your priorities, brainwash yourself into believing that what is important isn't anymore.

A few mundane thoughts:

♠ One should not sacrifice 6 hours of sleep for homework. This is the second time I've done it (i.e. start doing work at 22 00 till the next morning and going straight to school). By the end of the day, you don't really feel as much accomplishment as you should from finishing all that work.

♠ A rearrangement of my grades spell "A BUS". How extreme eh? English Literature, Math, Physics and Chemistry respectively. I don't like it when teachers make students stay back for extra lessons. I don't mind extra work, but these so called "consolidation" lessons seem more like an excuse to have us stay in school for another hour (or two) than anything else. School ends at 3 40 practically everyday. I have CIP till approximately 5 on Wednesdays. I have 2 CCAs. Down with Academia!

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I really like this one now.

Everything We Had - The Academy Is...

You were the only face I'd ever known.
I was the light from the lamp on the floor,
and only as bright as you wanted me to be.
But I am no gentleman, I can be a prick,
and I do regret more than I admit.
You have been followed back to the same place
I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love, and the love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had, everything we had
Is no longer there.

It was the only place I'd ever known.
Turned off the light on my way out the door.
I will be watching wherever you go,
through the eyes of a fly on the wall.
You have been followed back to the same place
I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love and the love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had, everything we had
Is no longer there, longer there.

Well, you saw for yourself, the way it played out.
For you, I am blinded.
For you, I am blinded, for you.

I am no gentleman, I can be a prick.
And I do regret more than I admit.
You have been followed back to the same place
I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love, and the love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,
(you have been followed, you have been followed.)
everything we had, everything we had.
(you have been followed, you have been followed.)
Everything we had, everything we had,
(you have been followed, you have been followed.)
everything we had...

I'll be with you wherever you go,
through the eyes of a fly on the wall.

Tag reply:
Shanti: Whee! I like my new bras. Heh. Jolene will reprimand me for being so explicit. I just finished with it the other day (Murder in the Cathedral).

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Fairly obviously, Eclipse, by Stephenie Meyer!

I started reading it at 2 a.m. this morning, because I couldn't sleep after reading Murder in the Cathedral and a few of D.J. Enright's poems. They got me thinking, but I'm digressing.

I think it has the best prose out of the three, with Twilight coming in after. I disliked New Moon the most, because even though I could empathise with Bella, the dull pain of her emotions was killing me. Plus, she was being fairly unreasonable about her desire for Edward. It didn't really help that at the point of time I was reading New Moon, I was having some... let's call them grievances of my own. Sheer pain + mounting sadness = bad combination.

So... back to Eclipse. I'm a little late in reading it as it is. I wanted to wait for the paperback version to get out you see. I'm willing to spend money on books, but usually below $20 if they're fiction books. It's a rational decision in any case, but I'm digressing again. I think the Epilouge was written pretty well, even if it wasn't from Bella's perspective. Jacob's pain was almost tangible. I could taste the fury, feel the mix of emotions he felt. Even though I'm very much in love with Edward Cullen (like the rest of the population who reads the series), I'm glad that Jacob could run his pain away, that there was at least some form of escape he could take.

I also liked the way Edward was described to be jealous in certain parts of the book. It makes it seem more realistic somehow. It allows a connection between the reader and Edward, because he's not always noble, not always so perfect. You always need a flaw to be truly perfect (yes, I know that's heavy on the paradox).

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This song seemed oddly appropriate to listen to after I finished with the book. You can ask me for it if you like. (: Sent to me by Cherie a few weeks back.

Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

No

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

A yellow tube dress, 2 bras, a pair of flip flops and a cute little squishy book with a tiger on it.

All those things on the left were bought with my Takashimaya voucher (Poof $50, poof!), and the dress was bought at Far East. Chuyun baked these really lovely (but diabetes-inducing) brownie cupcakes that had the nicest marshmallows!

Walked around with the three of them (Cherie, Chuyun and Jolene) and had a good last-day-before-school-reopens. >< There's nothing much to blog about it, I've lost the mood. ):


This is a packet of Wang Wang Xiao Mun Tou that I purchased from the Nanyang Supermarket in NUS during SMUN for $1.80. It's beside my literature text for comparison of size. It's about 2 times higher. I guess inflation didn't hit every bit of Singapore after all!

This is coming just a teeny weensy bit late. I was trying to decide between not blogging until I finished my layout (which would probably take slightly less than forever and a year) or blogging on a layout provided by Blogger until I'm done with my own. As you can see, I decided on the latter.

Yes, I am very excited to blog. Yay me.

School's started again. ): Tuesdays are awful days to begin school with. Double Math, double GP, lunch, double PW, GC and (finally) Lit. The Saving Grace.

On a totally different note, I went out with Cherie and Jolene last Friday (day right after the CTs) and it was... good. :D We had a sushi buffet at Suki Sushi.


This is Cherie, looking at Jolene (who doesn't want to be taken).


Cherie is really interested in Jolene isn't she?


That's what it was like about... 1/2 way through. Add 2 bowls of chawanmushi which they cleared.


This is Jolene drinking. She refused to let me take a proper photo of her.


This is when we were done. :D 24 plates, 3 bowls of miso soup, 3+2 bowls of chawanmushi.


Cherie is bemused. The plates form the colours of the German flag, even if in the wrong order.


And this is me with the stuff. Note to self: Do not hunch while taking photos, make sure fringe is a curtain.

When we were done, I felt as if I'd just swallowed a balloon. Over-ate (as usual).

Went shopping after that. I really didn't buy much. Only spent a $20 voucher on the paperback version of Eclipse and 3 pens. I find it amusing that I spent a total of $1.45 (actual cash) on those items. I don't think you need to see a photo of those items. ._.

While shopping around Isetan (Shaw House), we met Chuyun and Charlyn. They took forever to find us. As a matter of fact, they walked past us twice before I finally revealed our not-so-secret location to them. To hide from Chuyun and Charlyn, stand behind some shelves (that cover up to your chest) and look down when they walk past. It's that simple. Try it! :D

Charlyn left at about 7+ while the rest of us went to Wheelock to sit in the children's section of Borders. I found this really interesting Chemistry book on elements.


Elements with Style! Cute isn't it?


Be, Mg, Ca, Sr, Ba and Ra. Elements in Group II if I'm not mistaken.


The bag that once held Chuyun's dress, now on my head. I think I look like I'm either a terrorist, or on death row. ): No... I'm baghead girl!

We went for dinner at about 9+, which consisted of an Orange Julius Original (i.e. Orange-flavoured Orange Julius drink) for Chuyun and I. Jolene bought drumsticks from Burger King and Cherie had nothing because she was still too full.

Mmph. I can't believe school's already started (I really haven't had much time to enjoy the holidays and CTs after are just a huge pain in the ass). This is the first time I've come back to school with nothing to look forward to. Absolutely nothing. Ah well. Shall blog about Monday's shopping some other day. (: This post took a long time.