You know, there are a lot of things one can learn from losing their e-mail password.

1. Do not set the password to expire every 72 days.
2. Do not change your password mid-way through your exam.
3. How many e-mail addresses you actually remember by heart.
4. How many whose e-mail addresses you actually remember by heart and decide to add to your new account.
   
5. How many people actually think you're important enough to add you back on MSN when you put out a notice on your Facebook status.

These are all very useful, interesting things to know.

In other news, I think this is photo I liked best from the night:

On this day, one day after the pseudo-end of my A level examinations, I couldn't be more bored. When I woke up today, the sky seemed a little too bright, the people a little too loud, my hair a little too tangled and everything else a little too dusty.

I wish...

Don't you too?

I hate the way the A level system makes it such that you have to hope others don't do well. There is no way of wishing that you and your friends do well, but everyone else doesn't, because that's just stupid.

Perhaps we should all be wishing that the guy who draws the bell curves in MOE does it while inebriated with drink.

This is Schadenfreude at its best. Ugh.

With such lists abound on the blogs of so many A Level students, I thought I should do one too. Not necessarily in order:

1. Take the G-Max with Joey and Yanshan after Physics Paper 1!
2. Dump my notes somewhere else (x
   
3. Complete UCAS Application
   
4. Study for SAT I (yes, I'm actually taking it, though I don't know why)
5. Sushi buffet with Jolene and Cherie
6. Shop for something to wear when Chuyun and I hit the after-party for prom (assuming there is one)
7. Find Jolene's prom outfit :D
8. Bake with Chuyun/play Guitar Hero/go to the after-partyyy
   
9. Hit the library/book store. Borrow/buy books! Read books!
10. Find a job!!!!! x.x (Anyone with me?)
    
11. Exercise
    
12. Cycle
13. Swim
14. Play squash again
    
15. Find recipes to cook/bake with (: I will be the best cook/baker in town!
    
16. Just shop...
17. Sign up for Japanese classes
18. Catch up with Secondary School friends
19. Watch backlog of episodes of One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl, How I Met Your Mother, The Office, Ugly Betty and whatever else I began watching but took a (severely long) break from due to preparation for "A"s.
20. Sign up for driving lessons
21. Apply for scholarships (Before results? After results?)
22. Volunteer at the SPCA (Cats... Cats... More cats!)
23. Buy Plants VS Zombies and complete the game
24. Take Long Bus Rides while they still cost 43 cents :D
25. Continue playing Restaurant City and have the nicest restaurant in the world (kill me now)
26. Purchase first full set of make-up.
27. Watch a few movies (depending on if there's anything I/anyone else wish/es to watch)
    

For my part, I wonder if an individual like Pip were to exist in reality, whether he would ever have fully gotten over the fact that he'd lost all his expectations. I know I haven't. I know that despite all that I have been through this year, successes and failures alike, part of me still hopes that I'm not going to become a stepping stone for all those on their way to greater things.

I know that I still want my As, especially for English Literature. I know I still want to have that little affirmation that there are things in life that I can do, that I am ultimately good at. I want to know that all that hard work I have put in will count for something.

Some little part of me is still screaming out, "Let God show me that my parents don't have to be millionaires in order for me to achieve what I deem to be success at (this stage of) my life."

I wish I wasn't smacking empty air
But killing mozzies with a great big chair.

This amused me when I signed into MSN today.



Look at the alternating green and red statuses by the side! :D Alternates with orange too! At the beginning and the end. (x What can I do but look to the little things to amuse me in tense times like these right?

I've been so caught up with studying these few days (for something like 12 hours a day - I think we all do) that I haven't been thinking much. It's difficult to think when my thoughts are marred with pretty exclamations of "Dammit my hand hurts... how will I go through with my A levels like this?" and "Shitshitshitshitshit! Time's up and I'm still not done?!" I think I could soon be the next Bernadette.

So anyway, I decided to give myself a break and do only Hwachong's Math Prelim paper, a few Chemistry Paper 3 questions and study for GP today. Yes, I list these achievements for my own glory (what glory?) and pleasure (what pleasure?), so that people can look at them and think "what's she trying to show off?" I openly admit that, with respect to this issue, I am a full-blown hypocrite because I absolutely detest it when other people do it. (:

As you can see, "studying" for GP has cleared my mind a little, and I have some, albeit just a little, space to think freely. And I'm harnessing this chance to reply a question that Cherie posted on her space awhile back.

No, I don't think I'd want to erase the people who've hurt me from my memory. Lets first set the boundaries - I'm assuming that by erasing these people from my memory it means that all the people involved, whether implicitly or explicitly, as bystanders or actors would immediately have the same memories (albeit from different perspectives) removed as well. What would be the use otherwise right? If everyone remembered this hurt except for the one who suffered most from it?

Oddly enough, the first reason that comes to my mind for not wishing this would be because it would be unfair. Perhaps I suffered from the experience, perhaps I had nothing to gain out of it, but this doesn't mean any other party didn't. Could the behaviour, the circumstance or any other aspect of it be a learning experience for someone else? Even if it's just the bystanders, the passers-by - those who watched by the side-lines, or were only involved as emotional medics. Perhaps the person who caused me hurt eventually reflected and avoided repeating the same mistakes with someone else. Or any third party individuals learnt how to better comfort people, or how to avoid the same situations themselves. By removing these memories, I would be depriving them of all of this, simply for my own benefit.

Perhaps all that sounds a little too altruistic, but think about it this way: Say you borrowed an eraser and decided that you were too busy and would return it later. It would be alright if the person whom you borrowed it from didn't miss it, but what if s/he did? What if the class clown was blamed because of it? What if you misplaced the eraser? What if you found out that was the individual's favourite eraser? What if the whole class was thrown into chaos because everyone started shooting accusations at each other (that had absolutely nothing to do with the eraser, but were just points of argument that people often dig up in the heat of the moment)? Would you still have kept the eraser? The point being that just by removing that single memory, I could be catalysing, or in this case de-catalysing so many different things. Would it be fair to the people who could all have reaped benefit from this multitude of interconnected events?

Another reason for not wishing such a thing would be because there is no singular moment in my life, where I have received some form of hurt or pain without there being bittersweet memories to accompany them. By removing the negative, I inadvertently remove what I know I so well cherish along with them. Unless by hurt one means physical pain, as in I-fell-down-and-ouch-that-hurt, which I do not think was the purpose of the question. There are moments in my life where I sit there and poke morosely at the gloomy recesses of my mind, almost hoping to poke at something tender enough to render some tears. That might just be my sado-masochistic reflex, I do not know, maybe no one else has these tendencies... but this is after all a personal reflection right?

A third point to ponder would be the fact that who we are now is composed partially, if not entirely, from the things we have learnt in the past. To remove certain memories would be to leave little, or sometimes gaping holes in my past. I would be an entirely different person then! If for any reason I cherished the being I am now, I should not wish not to have experienced anything less than I have. Again, these are arguments from a personal point of view. I do understand that perhaps some people feel that they would be better individuals if they had not undergone certain experiences. You do have to admit though, that in order for that individual to be having that thought they must have... Never mind. This will spiral into an unending hole of complexities.

It being 1:41, I think I should sleep now.

I don't want to study. I don't want to take my A Levels. I don't want to work part-time. I don't want to enjoy myself. I don't want to go to university. I don't want to take any courses. I don't want to read, don't want to eat, don't want to sleep.

I don't want to do anything.



Perhaps breathe. I might want to breathe. Just breathing would be nice.

This amused me very much. :D From xkcd.com. This should be filed under "Things that Make Chemistry Almost Bearable".

Someone please tell me why I have to pause 5 seconds before I remember my own blog URL?

Perhaps it is because I am so saturated with the required exam information. Yes, I would like to believe that. That is something I can very well live with for now...